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Four Parenting Styles

As she breaks down the four parenting styles, Erin Sherard discusses practices that well-meaning families employ as they raise their young adult along with the messages that each of those practices convey. Ultimately, the parenting style utilized will determine the type of adult produced, and understanding these styles will help parents exercise the most beneficial methods.

Parenting Styles

by Erin Sherard

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” - Romans 5:3-5

Isn’t it amazing that our deepest thoughts are guided by our parents voices? Many adults still hear direction from the voice of their earthly parent 20, 30, or 40 years after they pass. Understanding the four styles of parenting will up the odds that our children will listen to our guidance, have good judgement in our absence, and hear our voice in the years to come.

  1. The Helicopter Parent – This parent serves to protect, shield from struggle, and ensure comfort and happiness. Initially this style is appealing to a kid, similar to having a personal chef, butler, and maid. Over time, however, helicoptering sends a tragic message: “You are not good enough to do things on your own, smart enough to learn from your mistakes or strong enough to persevere when times get tough.” Helicopter parents produce entitled, depressed children who perpetually feel like victims.
  2. The Drill Sergeant Parent – These parents act as authoritarians by telling their children what to do, when and how it needs to be done, and instills fear if things don’t get done the way they have demanded. These parents resort to punitive approaches and believe that firm discipline is the answer to misbehavior. During early childhood, children look polished and obedient to the outside world. As the years wear on, the message these parents send is this: “It is not okay to fail. You are not smart enough to make good decisions on your own or resilient enough to learn from poor decisions. I am in control, not you.” Drill sergeant parents raise children with zero-sum orientation, control issues, and little experience with cause and effect thinking.
  3. The Hybrid Parent – Hybrid parents have a bit of helicopter and drill sergeant parenting in their blood. They hover, protect, and make perfect the lives of their children. As their children grow and begin acting entitled, the parent erupts with exhaustion and frustration, often yelling, showing passive aggression, or resorting to punitive punishment. Once the parental temper tantrum ends, the devil creeps in with a lofty dose of guilt and shame and thus, the helicoptering ensues…. and the toxic, anxiety provoking, exhausting cycle goes on. Hybrid parents often produce children who struggle with anxiety, have unpredictable behavior, have low self-worth, and limited decision making skills.
  4. The Consultant Parent – This is the category that most parents strive to fall into. Consultant parents do not jump in and rescue their children, shielding them from the realities of life. The primary goal of this parenting style is to stand alongside your child, consulting them through the ups and down of life while holding them firmly accountable and showing unconditional love.

Consultant parents understand that struggle is where growth and character development comes from. The trials in our lives is where we learn to lean in and trust that God, the Father almighty, has a plan for the discomfort. As stated in Romans 5:3-5, we are tasked to find glory in the midst of struggle because grit, perseverance, character, and hope are being born.