Promoting Grit and Perseverance in Your Student
In this video, Erin Sherard coaches families through Dr. Charles Fay’s 5 step process of cultivating grit and resilience in their students. Step by step, she gives practical tips, equipping families to help their students through risk and struggle. Families are challenged to build intrinsic motivation in their young adults to tackle their independence confidently by taking ownership of their own successes.
Building a Healthy Relationship: a Key to Building Resilience
by Erin Sherard
“Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.” – Romans 12:10
The first step in guiding children towards true self-respect and resiliency is to build or rebuild a healthy relationship with them. Investing in strengthening or re-building the relationship with your child is vital to their academic careers. As long as trust-related issues exist or the child feels insecure in the relationship with their parent, it is proven unlikely that they will take risks required to learn. Here are some quick tips to help strengthen relationships:
1. Observe and Attend to Needs
During infancy, nearly 100% of an infant’s needs are met with three responses from the adult: eye contact, smile, and healthy touch. When our baby is hungry, we look at them, smile at them, pick them up, and feed them. When our baby is tired, we look them in the eye, smile at them, pick them up, and rock them to sleep. As our child grows, does the crying sound different? Does it start to look like anger, apathy, or disrespect? Absolutely! Sometimes, tired and frustrated parents begin to punish, reprimand, or get angry rather than recognize that our child has an unmet need. This is where many relationships with our children begin to get rocky. Do not fret, we can get our relationship back on track by revisiting the first year of life and provide plenty of eye contact, smile, and touch.
2. Notice rather than praise. When rebuilding relationships, praise can backfire. Here are a few reasons why:
- Praise can prompt a toxic cycle of negative self-talk.
- Praise is often perceived as manipulation when the relationship isn’t rock-solid.
- For young college students trying to find their footing, praise can encourage them to do the opposite of what you are praising them for. These young adults are experiencing more control over their lives than ever before. Praising might make them feel like you are trying to regain the control you once had over them.
Rather than praising your child, Dr. Charles Fay encourages us to simply notice things that are important to them. The simple act of noticing sends a very powerful message, “I love you enough to notice the little things about you that others might overlook.” A few examples are, “I noticed you got new shoes” or “I noticed that you really like spending time with Sarah.” It is important to refrain from adding things like, “That’s great!” or “I love it” as these are forms of praise. Just noticing 2-3 things per week that are important to your child is powerful beyond comprehension.